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In this way, Mars becomes suppressed, another issue with food addiction.
The weight acquired serves to keep a distance from others who may invade, hurt or betray. It constantly sabotages our energies and independence.
The most common pattern was a parent who invaded boundaries by going through the child’s belongings, by reading the child’s diary and listening in on telephone conversations. This is exactly what my childhood was like— from the age of 14, when my mother encouraged me to start keeping a diary, she read every page until I moved away. For years, she never forgave me for not wanting her to stay with me.
While I never experienced sexual abuse, this too is a boundary issue.
Why is it difficult to make the decision to lose weight? When someone’s current life situation and its responsibilities would not support a normal weight, an unprotected weight, I advise the individual not to think about losing weight but rather to simply eat healthy— just make healthy food choices without considering the number of calories consumed. I have been over-weight my entire life and the weight gain started when I began to go to school at the age of 6.
Because to lose weight and to keep it off is the most monumental decision that you can ever make— that decision to totally change yourself and to never go back to being the Old Familiar Self, familiar to you as well as others— the passive self, the care-taking self, the angry, enraged and embittered self, the wounded self, the fearful self, all unhappy yet comfortable patterns of being with the old eating and the old behavioral patterns. There is no shame in knowing little or nothing about a subject but it is a crime if that subject is you! My mother held on to me, she did not want to let me go so I never went to nursery school or kindergarten, pre-schooling that assists in social adaptation.
When I give my lectures on this topic, almost immediately I begin to hear the excuses— I can’t lose weight because I am menopausal, I can’t lose weight because I have a thyroid problem, I can’t lose weight because I am older and my metabolism is slower or I hardly eat anything and I still cannot lose weight.