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Roses are red, violets are blue, Sugar is sweet, and so are you The roses have wilted, the violets are dead, The sugar bowl's empty, and so is your head The roses stink, sorta like sheep But leave your name, number, and message after the beep The roses are molding, the violets are rotten And I might call you back, if I haven't forgotten Twinkle, Twinkle little star, bet your wondering where we are? Er, no diplomats are able to answer phone, so at sound of capitalist tone, leave name, telephone number, and short description of secrets you wish to sell. (Pause.) Our extremely sophisticated computer system performed a trace on your number and was able to match it with our list of important callers. When the computer has checked they're not eavesdropping, it will make a bleeping noise and you can speak freely. (Theme from "Raiders of the Lost Ark" in the background:) You've reached the residence of John and Tom.
It was a three-foot-tall machine popular with Orthodox Jews who were forbidden to answer the phone on the Sabbath.
Please leave your name, phone number, short message, social security number, and credit card number and we will call you when we're done shopping. If you have a wrong number, push 3 on your touch tone phone now.
Hello, you have reached the _______'s residence; we cannot reach the phone right now, so please leave a message after the beep. If this is our parents, we're at the library studying. If this is John, Chris is out with the girls at the party. If this is any one else, we're at a party and you're not. All of this button pushing doesn't do anything, but it is a good way to work off anger, and it makes us feel like we have a big time phone system. If you want to leave a message, please wait for the tone.
In 1971, Phone Mate introduced one of the first commercially viable answering machines, the Model 400.
It weighed 10 pounds and held 20 messages on a reel-to-reel tape.
After the tone, think about your name, your reason for calling, and a number where I can reach you, and I'll think about returning your call. You have reached the CPX-2000 Voice Blackmail System. Read all about it in next week's National Enquirer. Leave a message at the beep and we'll get back to you as soon as we're finished brushing our teeth. If you wish to speak to Lynn, push 2 on your touch tone phone now. We are at Vespers and therefore answering other calls, but if you will leave your name, number, and a brief message, we will consider breaking our vow of silence to return your call. To facilitate our investigation, we would appreciate you leaving your name, number, a brief message, and any affiliations you may have made now, or in the past, with communist or terrorist organizations. (In the background can be heard springs creaking and various moans; husky, soft female voice is best:) Hi... [Voice 2] These are the messages of Chad's answering machine. so, lea a messeg and we deliver straigt to you pants.